Don't Cook My Noodle
by Weeble Wobble Chic
Summary: Crappily written Akuroku SoraRiku story. Plus other pairings who don't exist yet.AU Highschool fic, it's what all the cool kids write.Read and review S'il vous plait.
1. Straight as an uncooked noodle

**DISCLAIMER:** FANfiction.

**NOTES:** **_BOYLOVE_** AHOY. Don't be a buttlicker. If you don't like, don't read.

Also, this story. Will suck. The writing? Will suck. I'm tired and grumpy, so YAR.

* * *

_Quiet. Smooth. That's right, just like a cat. Slip in unnoticed. Almost there..yes..Mission com-_

"Mr. Blaze. How kind of you to join us."

"Ah, ha..,"_damnit_,"well, I figured I'd come the first day of school, make a good impression, grace you with my presence and all that jazz."

"Mhm...how about you sit right up front here, where I can gaze upon your magnificence then?"

"Now, now Mr. Bounderish. Just because I look like my brother doesn't mean I am my brother. Please keep those bedroom eyes at home."

Mr. Bounderish shot a glare over the rim of his sunglasses at the grinning redhead who took a seat right in front of his desk. Little demon brat was all he was. And now he was in his English class? He bet Reno set this up, stupid louse.

Axel grinned cattily at his poor abused teacher. If the man thought he was going to get a break from him at school then oh was he mistaken. Flopping his ragged patch covered book bag onto his desk, the redhead sighed and decided to peer around at his new classmates.

_Lessee...there's Marluxia...and Larxene...some kid..some other kid..another one of those kids...Riku..hiiii Riku...hm..ooh, new face behind Riku. Cute. Though I prefer blondes..hm...maybe if I convinced him to bleach his hair or.._THWAK.

"Yes, dear?"

"If you're not going to pay attention to me in my plain sight then go to the back of the room, dickhead. " Mr. Bounderish growled. Axel chuckled, and gathering his crap, slunk towards an empty seat between Marluxia and Riku, the latter grinning as his best friend approached.

"I was afraid you wouldn't show up, darling." Riku Chateau smirked, bumping knuckles with Axel as Mr. Bounderish continued on with rules and regulations.

"I was afraid you would."

And that would be Larxene. Axel's eyes narrowed as he turned towards his blonde 'friend'.

"Now, now Larx, you wound me, you really do. And here I was, looking oh so forward to seeing you again, and this is how I'm greeted? Really what has the world come to nowadays. When two friends can't even say a simple hello to each other without-"

"Oh my god, shut UP."Larxene smacked her forehead in exasperation as the boys grinned dumbly. Why did she put up with them again?

"Annnywho. Hiiii Marly. How are youuu?" Axel fluttered his eyelashes at his pinkette friend. Marluxia grinned and fluttered his lashes back.

"Just as poof-tastic as the last time we saw each other." Axel laughed at his friend's reply and turned to the cute kid behind his best friend. He wiggled his brows at the boy when he caught his eyes and chuckled as the kid turned pink and ducked his gaze to a scribble on his desk.

"So who's the uber cute kid?"

"Not sure, he wouldn't talk to me." Riku pouted. Marluxia smirked, "That's cuz you're acting like a homo."

"That's your job, Marl." Larxene snipped with a smirk. Marluxia shot a glare her way and Axel laughed. He turned his attention to the kid who shall for now be dubbed 'Cute Kid' until further notice.

"So sugar dumpling, you gonna tell us your name? I'm Axel if that helps." he watched the small boy compete with his desk in a staring contest for a minute before the boy grabbed a note pad from his bag and scribbled out 'Sora'.

Riku watched ecstatically as the boy displayed his name. Sora huh? Cuuuute. Axel nodded,

"Cute. Are you mute?"

Sora shook his head with a small smile, and scribbled out, 'No, I lost my voice. Sorry.'

Axel nodded and glanced at the clock, then at Mr. Bounderish who was droning oh so enthusiastically on about what he expected from them this trimester. He was tuned out again in favor of staring at Sora.

"So..got a twin? Blonde perhaps?"He lifted a brow as Sora snorted. A quickly scribbled reply was flashed at him and he laughed.

'Yeah, actually. I do.'

"Lovely. This year just got a whole lot better." Riku rolled his eyes at his friend and went back to staring at Sora. Sora's eyes met his and he blinked before turning a vibrant shade of cherry red. Ooh, young love.

The bell rang and everyone shuffled out of the room to their next class. Oh yay, school.

* * *

(Roxas' p.o.v) 

I dodged through the hallways like a man on a mission as I searched for my next classroom. I had Algebra II with a Mr. Blaze and I didn't want to get lost like 2nd period. I didn't find my classroom until 10 minutes into the period. That sucked.

101..102...103..aha, 104(1).Here we go, math class. I entered through the room and glanced around to see if any familiar faces were present. Hm..yay Selphie! Well..not really yay but..at least I know her. I slouched over to her and flopped into the seat next to her.

"Hey Selph."

"Roxy! Baby! I didn't know you were in this class!" Selphie bounced in her seat and her eyes lit up. I smiled a bit at her and nodded, glancing towards the teachers desk which was empty.

"So.. Is this teacher going to suck or is he cool?" I asked, hoping Selphie would know what the teacher was like. I really hoped it was someone semi-tolerable and not another Buckenmeyer(2)..ugh...evil psycho woman.

Selphie practically melted in her chair, "Oh, he's lovely...You'll like him a LOT. Well, I mean, like..he's cool..but ho my god, he is gorgeous." I rolled my eyes at her and glanced towards the door way. Jeez, if hair could kill it'd be that kid's. Bright red spikes that looked sharper than any hair should be and defied gravity. Wonder what kind of products he uses..

"Hey. You're the blonde twin!" Oh..wow, he's talking to me now?

"Uhm..hi?"

I blinked a few times as the guy stared at me..woah..green eyes or what man...but what is with those lil tattoos?

"..with me.."

Huh?

"Huh?"

"I said do you want to go out with me."

"Oh."Oh...OH. HOMGWTFBBQ? Eek, he's waiting for an answer! Go away scary man. Go away!

"Axel you loser you can't ask someone you just met to go out with you." Yay Selphie to the rescue. The dude, apparently named Axel, pouted.

"How come?"

"Cuz you don't know anything about him! You've got to woo him. Buy him chocolate, roses, sweep him off his feet. Ask his NAME and sexual orientation, maybe introduce yourself too."Gee Selphie, thanks for the backup.

Axel grinned at me and extended a hand out, "Hiya cutie. I'm Axel Blaze. I'm 17, a Scorpio, my blood type is O, I like eating, burning things, and blondes. And what about you dear?"

I tentatively shook his hands and swallowed the lump in my throat, "I don't date teachers.."

Axel and stared at me and blinked, "Teachers?...What are you..oh..OH. Ha, teacher? No way kid, my brother is the teacher. Aha, you thought your teacher was hitting on you! Awesome."

I sighed in relief, "Oh, wow, sorry. Whew, good to know, huh? Uhm.. I'm Roxas by the way... I'm..guessing you know Sora?"

"Yuppo buddy. He's adorable. Way cool. But like I said, I like blondes." I jumped slightly when I realized he still had my hand and had just placed a kiss on my knuckles.

"Axel. Sit boy, sit."

I looked over the red heads shoulder and was met with a man that could have been his twin, save for looking a few years older and not as..psycho. I'll assume this is the teacher.

Axel grumbled under his breath, but released my hand and took the seat in front of me. Selphie let out a fangirl squeal, along with quite a few other females in the classroom. Mr. Blaze simply grinned and sat on top of his desk.

"Hey guys, what's uuup?(3)"he crooned, a lopsided grin spreading across his face. He soon got into the whole rules and regulations jumbo mumbo and my interest was lost. I found my gaze settling on the back of Axel's neck . It was very white..not a bad white..like..I am vampire I vant your blood white..but more like...porcelain or something. The cool model white. I glanced at my own tanned hands and sighed.

* * *

(Sora's p.o.v.) 

Oh my god, he will not leave me alone! I'm straight, I'M STRAIGHT. I swear I am! Ignore the girly figure and clothing choice. I'm straight as an uncooked spaghetti noodle! YAR.

I shot a look at the silver haired boy staring at me like some love sick puppy. What is wrong with him? I mean, come on, I can NOT be his type. Lookit me!

'What do you want?' I scribbled, flashing the paper at him. He glanced at it then blinked. A perverted grin crossed his face and I regretted asking. I turned away and heard his chuckle, forcing myself not to shudder. It was creepy, that was not a hawt chuckle, Sora. It was creepy. Creepy. Make that your mantra Sora. It was creepy. It was creepy. It was-

"I'm guessing you answered your own question, huh?" Okay, so it was kinda 'hawt'. Damn it. I hastily scribbled another message. Relaying my earlier thoughts.

'I am as straight as an uncooked spaghetti noodle, buddy.' I nodded firmly to show I meant business as I flashed him the message.

He grinned.

Oh god.

"Well, lucky me huh? I'm a great cook."

Whatever god is listening, please save my soul.

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:**

Woot. This sucks, but I was in a bad mood and figured, eh, why not? So, I'm assuming you can see the main pairings here. If not. Go home.

**(1)** 104 is actually my Algebra II classroom, hee.

**(2)**Buckenmeyer:shudder: psycho teacher with ADHD and menopause. She was my Geometry teacher sophomore year. I did not like her one bit. No sir. She used to sing to herself..and she'd think she taught us stuff, but she never really did, so we'd all get bad grades. Uhg. Thank god I'm a country boy...ya.

**(3)**I'm sure you've figured out that Mr. Blaze is Reno, right? And I'm sure you're wondering why I would make him an Algebra II teacher. Right? Well, it just so happens that my real Alg. II teacher sounds just like Quinton Flynn. And I cannot pay attention to what he's teaching because I'm so focused on the sound of his voice, lol. Well, this is a direct quote from him. God I love him. He bounces from sounding like Reno, to sounding like Axel, to just sounding like Quinton. And Sometimes there's a little Iruka in there too. I LOVE HIM.


	2. Alfalfa Wicked Witch of the West

**AUTHORS NOTE:** Ho snap, look it! An update. Woah. WOAH. Yeah, so, don't expect anything great. I'm almost ready to just drop this story and come back to it next year. I know I said I'd update after Halloween, but erm..well...it's...after Halloween? Hee. Sorry for the late date peoples, but with schoooool, and frieeeends, and whatnot, plus the fact that I wrote this because I was in a pissy mood..Well..I'm not pissy right now, but I hope this chapter won't completely suck. Yar.

Dis**claim**_er_: I'm still in highschool...in **OHIO**...you think I own these characters??

* * *

(Riku's p. o. v.) 

Alright..so..it's been a month and he STILL refuses to be my eternal love. What is wrong with this kid? I mean...come on...I'm RIKU. _RIKU_. That should explain everything. People are on a waiting list to be my eternal love, and this kid, he's not even on a list, he's like..too illiterate to write his name down or something. UHG. Oh well...I'll get him...one way...or another..nana nah nah...I'm gonna getcha getcha-

"Getcha..."

"What?"

"...what?"

"..'Getcha' what?"

"..."

"..?"

"...what?"

"Oh god...just..pay attention to the assignment would you?" I blinked slowly at the brunette and nodded, not really sure what the assignment was. I glanced at the piece of paper sitting in front of me and saw that we were supposed to be doing a parody dialogue(we're in theatre right now). Hmm..maybe we could do a modern day Romeo and Juliette-Romeo and Julian style. Hee.

"We're not doing anything gay nor Shakespearian, Chateau." I pouted at Sora and mentally pledged to get him into a dress someday.

"Well, darling, what do you suggest then?"I leaned on one hand and lifted a brow at the cutie. Sora puckered his mouth in thought for a moment and then beamed at me.

"I say we do a parody of Wicked or something. I can be Glinda and you can be Elphaba, except like, my name will be Glen and your's can be Elphy. How's that sound?"

"Great! You're brilliant, I never would have thought of that! You adorable genius you!"I gave him my most encouraging smile, even though I have no clue what Wicked is.

"Awesome! So what act do you want to parody!?"...Act?

"Erm...how about...that one..where...Alfalfa(1.) and Gloria are-"

"Elphaba and Glinda...you have NO clue what Wicked is...do you.."Ah...so..a statement rather than a question.

"No...But er...any idea of yours is bound to be great, right?"

Weak smile.

"I want. A different. Partner."

"But Sora!"

"Mr. Valentine!" Oh cruuuud.

"Yes Sora?" Oh god, he's coming this way! Bad vampire, BAD, go back to your coffin!

"I would like to request a different partner Mr. Valentine." Sora, Sora, why must you wound me so?

"No he wouldn't, he's just joking!"

"No I'm not! I don't-mhp!" Aha, and the hand over the mouth trick does it in for the loud mouth.

HOMG-Ebol glare of cute and cuddly DOOM.

"Riku, hands to yourself. And Sora, I'm sorry, everyone has already gotten to work, I can't switch you this time. How about next time you just pick a different partner, okay? I apologize, but I'm sure you can make it work." Yes, that's right bloodsucker, walk away, back to the shadows ye demon spawn!

Blank stare.

Oooh...mind reader ay?

"Chateau...Chateau..."

Ha, read this Mr. Creepy pants...I'm...thinking of an image...I'll give you five bucks if you say it out loud...

"Oh my gosh, I'm naked!"

"What!?"My eyes snapped to Sora who rolled his eyes and groaned. I shot a look at Mr. Creepy pants and quirked a brow.

Oooh, so he can send mental images to other people too, huh? A worthy opponent I see.

"Riku, pleaaaase. Pay attention...stop looking at me like that."

"EEEEEEEEEEE, you said my name! I KNEW you loved me!" I am just gonna smother this child with all the love my awesome self can produce!

"Stop it we-"

-BRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING-

"Oops, gotta get to class! I'll see you later snookums!" And now, onward to World Government Studies, and then, Anatomy!!Where I get to see Sora AND Axel! WOO. Party.

* * *

(Sora's p.o.v.) 

Kill me. Do it now.

For the love of all that is good and holy, kill. Me. NOW.

I sighed as I toted my heavy bag to my next class, Pre Cal(2.). Yar. When is he gonna take a hint? I mean, sure he's attractive, what with the hair, and the body, and the eyes, and the voice and whatnot. And sure, whenever he talks seriously(as rare as that occurs) his voice turns my insides into liquidy stew(which, by the way, I should probably talk to a doctor about),but I am NOT GAY.

I am not going to give in and throw myself at him like...like..some manho! Banish the thought, for I, Sora Strife, am straight. I like GIRLS. And just because I'll admit(to myself only)that Riku is 'hawt' does NOT mean I'm going to suddenly like boys and date him. I don't even get why he keeps bugging me anyways, maybe it's the challenge or something. Yeah...that's it..It's the challenge! Well I refuse to be a game. As a Strife, I have an overabundance of pride, and I refuse to throw that out and become some kind of trophy! YAR.

On to Pre Cal! Yay equations!

* * *

(Roxas p.o.v.) 

"Mph...nn"

"hmm..."

"Mnnnn..AH"

SMASH.

"Uuhhhn..mm"

"Axel-mmmnph"

"mmrrr"

"Ax-ah!"

CRASH. And that's the sound of yet another janitorial supply being killed.

"Whaaaaaat?"

Grope.

"Axel, the bell rang two minutes ago! We have to GO."I tried to push the wandering hands away but the boy is relentless!

"Oh come on Roxy, we still have 3 minutes to get to our next classes...just give me 2 more of those and we're good to go."

"Are you kidding me? My class is on the other side of-mmph!"

Okay..Okay. I know what you're thinking. One month and then suddenly I'm making out with this kid in a janitor's closet? Yeah..well..erm..yeah. Well, it's not like we're just making out or anything. We've been on a few official dates and all, so it's not like I'm being a man slut or something. I mean, we're pretty much boyfriends..I just don't want to say it out loud, because then the cracks about being the girl of the relationship come out and I like to delude myself thank you very much.

I smacked Axel's hand's away and detached myself from the lanky redhead. I was not gonna be late to Drawing 1 just because Axel was in a kissy face mood. No sir.

"Rooooooxaaaaas! Nuuuuuuuu."

"Yeeeeeeees. Go to class, Axel. I don't wanna be late again!" I pushed him back and straightened my clothes a bit before opening the door and walking out into the barely populated hall. Waving goodbye over my shoulder and merging with the other passing students towards my class. I saw Axel give me the 'I'm so pitiful and cute how can you do this to me' look and rolled my eyes, turning my attention to getting to the other side of the school before the class bell rang. Why do I put up with him? I rubbed at my red-bruised lips and smirked. Oh yeah.

That's why.

* * *

(Axel's p.o.v.) 

_Yes, I am god._

* * *

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Dunbar. I know, it sucked, and there's no plot or anything..so I think this might be the last chapter. I don't really feel like writing pure crap all the time..But er, lemme know what you think, and I guess if enough of you like it, I'll keep going. I mean..it wasn't written with a plot in the first place...soooo. ya. 

(1.)The one boy at school, Ryan, did that. I was gonna smack the biotch. I asked if he knew about Wicked, and he said yeah, so when I started asking him his favorite parts, he called Elphaba 'Alfalfa'. That loser.

(2.)Pre CalHARD. It's what all the smarties take. So, go Sora. You show them who's intelligent, girlfriend!


	3. NOT A CHAPTER

**NOT A CHAPTER!!!!**

Hey guuuuys, so erm, remember in the last chapter's author note how I said I was going to end up dropping the story until next year?Well..tadaaa..it's next year..the er..last half hour..of next year. But uh, I've been rereading reviews, etc, and I've had some personal experiences that I think would be fun to throw in with these guys, so be prepared!! Cuz I have only electives this trimester(oh the joy of being a senior and having teachers preparing to strike on Friday if they don't like their review!). So yes my dears, to those that put this on their alert list, thank you thank you THANK YOU, and I hope the next chapter will make you smile too.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!

-Weeble Wobble Chic-


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